strangesistas_writings: Michael Burnham 1 (pic#12868353)
 Slideshow: Star Trek: Discovery Season 3 - Exclusive Character Images

People of the Earth, episode 3 of season 3 of Star Trek Discovery aired a few nights ago. It was another great episode beautifully shot just as the previous two episodes, supplying further information about the Burn as well as the universe of Star Trek in the 32nd century. We saw Michael reunited with the crew of Discovery after a year, not only apart from them but separated from everything and everyone she’d ever known. 

It was a Michael Burnham we had never seen, a Michael Burnham who when offered the captain’s chair not only deferred but asked:

 “has it ever been me?”

This question shocked some, caused others to wonder if some race bias were at work, some found it disappointing or even unfair but for me I cheered. You see this is a question I’ve been wanting Michael to ask since season 1 episode 6 in which we learn that Michael never dreamed to join Starfleet in the first place.  Starfleet was guilt driven consolation prize granted by Sarek to make up for him keeping her out of the Vulcan Space Expedition --despite her being completely qualified--, so that instead his half-human son Spock would be allowed to join. The Vulcans, due to their own illogical prejudices, wanted only one of Sarek’s experiments.

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The next scene finds Tilly at a make shift memorial of badges representing lost crew mates. Tilly is in a contemplative mood, considering all that she gave up in accompanying Michael to the 32nd century her family, friends, everyone she ever knew and loved, everything she ever knew and loved. We can imagine that Michael has gone through this but it is the next moment that is most telling for where Michael is and the discomfort she is telegraphing.

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“I have this picture of you in my head with a dandelion, and you blow  the seeds away .” Tilly says this somberly and then looks at Michael directly before asking the question on her mind. “You let us go didn’t you?”

She doesn’t let Michael answer, doesn’t even make Michael apologize, between the two friends forgiveness is truly instantaneous. What matters is they’re together and still friends. They embrace, talk about hair and cake, the touching movement moves on poignant and beautiful it has said everything that needs to be said. 

Michael let them go.

So it was no true surprise then that when confronted with the idea of taking up the captaincy, or even being called commander Michael is hesitant, questioning whether or not that has ever been her. I didn’t take it to mean questioning whether or not Michael Burnham is captain material but whether or not it is something she ever truly wanted for herself. 

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In the first episode of season one we open with Commander Burnham and Captain Georgiou on a desert planet completing some stealth mission of mercy hoping not to violate the prime directive while saving a species. They have a short window in which to complete their mission. The atmosphere of the planet will soon make transporting out or landing a shuttle impossible for the next 75 years.

In this scene Captain Georgiou asks Michael what she would do if she were trapped here? Michael explains how she would befriend the natives and try to fit in, be part of the community. This makes sense for Michael as both a xenoanthropologist and an orphan fitting in is a way of life for her. 

The scene positions Michael’s answer as wrong. Captain Georgiou has the right answer, escape. As the camera pans out we see Georgiou has not had them walking in purposeless circles their steps have written an unmistakable sign in the sand, one that signals the waiting crew watching from space to beam them up.

Season  one had a rather schizophrenic relationship with its protagonist saying she was wrong on one hand while the narrative itself often backed her decisions and actions. The first season presented Michael as alien, perhaps an enemy, a round peg shoved into a square hole, her actions validated by villains from other universes with alien morals and views that were anathema to everything Starfleet stood. 

Writing this, in fact, I find myself suddenly understanding why some die hard fans dislike Michael. I myself adore the character, but I can suddenly see why some would struggle with Michael Burnham, a fly in the ointment of what should otherwise be a smoothly running traditional Star Trek show. There is even an in-show reference to the idea of removing the agent that undermines Saru’s confidence as acting captain. This, of course, is impossible somehow he has to be confident in spite of Michael living rent free in his head.

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Season three is challenging this notion. Michael may not fit in but she loves her crew and respects Starfleet principles, surely they can find a way to grow together. 

Season three of Star Trek is asking questions of both its characters and its audience. What does Starfleet mean? Starfleet is about more than ships and warp drives right, but what is it? In a time where there are three and soon to be four Star Trek shows on television and none of them features a traditional captain or crew and fans fight bitterly over what Star Trek really is Discovery seems to have positioned that very question as the central theme of this season. 

Admiral Piccard left Starfleet in protest and the galaxy kind of hates him for it, Starfleet tells him to fuck off when he asks for help. He travels with a crew of former Starfleet officers all of whom are outsiders finding place and purpose on the edges of things. 

Discovery is taking this question one step further and hurling us into a 32nd century where Starfleet and The Federation no longer seem to exist as anything more than rumors or memories sustained by true believers, a term that leads one to wonder if these are thoughtful, enlightened individuals or terrifying unthinking fundamentalists ignorant of that which they seem to worship. 

Does Michael want to be a captain in this Starfleet? Do you?

“I’m reflexively supportive and I’m so angry about it!” 

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In season one a romance bloomed between Michael Burnham and Ash Tyler. Ash Tyler entered Michael Burnham’s life in a desperate and needy place and while I found them initially cute the relationship soured for me early on and I often found myself wondering what exactly Ash Tyler brought to Michael’s life, how, if at all did this relationship serve her? 

Often female characters on television shows are put into relationships as caretakers just as women are forced into the role of caretaker IRL. We see Michael take on this role with Ash whom she asks:

“What about my tether?”

Ash, who when he feels more whole and complete walks away from her at the end season one when he no longer seems to need her so much. This is also her role with her foster brother Spock. She has to rescue from control, and get him to the Iconians to help get him out of the dissociative state he’s found himself in. When Spock finally no longer needs her they are suddenly and irrevocably separated by the mission at hand but not before Spock admits that he needs her and that he feels lost without her. Michael reassures him that he’ll find someone else, alluding to his future relationship with Captain Kirk.

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I’m trying to save your lives!

Even her munity was about caring for others rather than rebellion or grabbing power for herself. Don’t get it twisted, what are we here for other than to take care of by those around us, there is nothing wrong with needing or being needed. A human alone is pretty much garbage, we’re only good in groups but over two seasons of Star Trek it’s truly unclear whether the care and support Michael Burnham has given to others has given her back very much at all. 

So while it may feel a bit jarring for Michael to be questioning whether or not she should be captain it’s not really surprising to me that Michael Burnham after a year of freedom finds herself reluctant to take on the care or support of anyone else.

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Even if it’s 88 people she loves or a terrifically hot guy who takes of his shirt every time he’s in an episode that she so clearly has the hots for. To me this is where Michael Burnham’s arc has always been headed and desperately needs to go.

Given all of this then it raises an important question why agree to be first officer to Saru.

The Lower Decks Affect

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Let’s take a moment to consider another Black woman in Starfleet, Ensign Beckett Mariner, pictured above as Vindicta. Ensign Becket Mariner is the daughter of a Starfleet captain and admiral, she’s considered by some to be Starfleet royalty. She knows everything there is to know about Starfleet and is friends with some well known highly placed Starfleet officers.

She’s also rude, disrespectful, dissmissive and regularly flouts authority. She breaks minor rules and certainly doesn’t believe in universal law, in her mind it really is for lackeys, context is for kings and she can be one from the Lower Decks.

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She’s rebellious and something of a misanthrope within the Starfleet organization. Yet throughout the series when push comes to shove Mariner is who you want on your team. She knows how to get things done and rebels with a cause, that cause is usually cutting through Starfleet red tape to help people when it matters, often the little guy like getting equipment for farmers on newly opened worlds or figuring the key to saving the entire crew of an energy devouring crystal alien. 

When my sister and I sat down to watch the first episode of this season of Discovery she lamented that Michael wasn’t more like Mariner and praised Emperor Georgiou for her no nonsense style. I tend to find the former emperor insufferable though I did enjoy her in People of the Earth.  Lil’ Sis hasn’t watch People of the Earth but I suspect she’ll be equally delighted to find Michael asking these questions and willing to color outside the lines. 

And while I am very much a supporter of working within our institutions in 2020 it should  be evident that they can be corrupt, can crumble and be hampered by endless bureaucracy. 

To bring up another favorite show of mine, the Good Place, just how many committees did the people in the good place form while millions of people were suffering needlessly. The discernment to know when to take urgent action to save others is crucial, bureaucracies and institutions can alienate us from that as well as our own humanity if we are not careful.

So with all of that one must ask why both Michael Burnham and Becket Mariner remain in Starfleet? Why Michael agreed to be Saru’s first officer and Mariner just can’t bring herself to quit.

Ever since her parents were killed Michael’s life, her destiny, her fate has been in the hands of others, decision after decision was made for her and often these decisions were not in her best interest. An emotional 12 year-old human girl was adopted to Vulcan when she would have been grieving her parents and in desperate need of emotional support. She was adopted not because Sarek believed he could provide the best home for her but because Sarek believed his half-human son needed a human companion. Later when her needs came into conflict with Spock she was sent Starfleet to be again amongst humans, she was no longer needed. 

Then of course she is in prison, she is freed from prison by Lorca who needs her to get on board the ISS Charon and maybe loves her in his own selfish way, but it’s still about his needs. Sure he’ll offer her a throne but did he ever stop to ask if that was what she wanted and when she wasn’t having decisions made for her she was taking care of everyone else.

Living a year as a free agent, adpating to a new life makes her old life perhaps feel like a pair of shoes too small. They may be beautiful, they may be beloved but they don’t fit, maybe they even hurt. So why not throw them away? Why is Michael still in Starfleet?

Because she loves it of course and as Saru has said perhaps we can grow together. Walking away from that which we love has never been easy and nor should it be.

 

strangesistas_writings: Michael Burnham 1 (pic#12868353)
Finally have a chance to sit down and write my overall thoughts on the episode. I did not like this episode and this did not feel like Star Trek to me. It started out hitting the nostalgia feelings, but quickly dropped the ball in the planet side story.

--start mini rant-- My big problem with all the people praising it for feeling like real trek is I find myself wondering when was the last time they watched an episode of any of the previous treks covering this topic? Because if they watched any of those stories they would see how shallow Disco's entry into this category is. Because that was just disappointingly bad and shallow. And it's frustrating to see the people who lambasted season one praise what aired Thursday night. --rant over--

What I liked? They're moving the main plot forward and it's driving the action. Pike's dilemma was resolved based on Starfleet's need to find out what this space anomaly is. A central plot should drive the story forward. Tilly's on ship adventure with the ghost and the asteroid was kinda fun. We're also starting to get a bit of that ensemble feeling with Tilly's figuring out a way to use her own experimentation to help resolve the issue with the radiation burst that were going to be coming from the planet's rings. Burnham not yet trusting Pike. She shouldn't after everything that happens and it demonstrates the emotional continuity that we didn't get to see much of in last week's episode. Pike's conversation with Jacob at the end as well as it demonstrating that in spite of his commitment to his ideals he is willing to compromise for expediency's sake gives the character a teensy bit of gray. Finally I feel for Paul, I really do. Does he want to see Hugh in the network or doesn't he? And if he doesn't then what and if he does then what? These were about the things I liked in the episode.

The A plot unfortunately which was the planetside story of New Eden was half-baked and resolved much too quickly. The away team beams down, makes some observations, one of the Terralysiums doesn't want to let them leave because he's searching for proof that the members of the away team are travelers from earth. He unexpectedly disables them and steals their equipment. This all felt very much like old school trek and I was excited for a moment.

Then it all fell apart. Burnham and Pike argue back and forth a bit about whether or not they should follow the GO1, but there is no real meaty discussion here. They don't ask any of the questions I was asking myself. Does GO1 apply to a colony of humans that are aware of earth's existence, aware of technology,etc??? Would Pike be so protective if they had been in a government building instead of a church? Don't these humans have just as much a right to Federation technology as the rest of us? Owosekun you left a Luddite community what do you think? We brought you here because we thought your background might offer your insight let's get your opinion??? There was no real conversation on this topic.

In every other story where they apply GO1 it's almost always some little Agrarian village. This set-up was unique to Disco. Unfortunately they didn't bother to really examine the way this situation was different or might be viewed differently. If they hadn't rushed from point a to point b to point c they might have explored the topic in more depth.

Another weakness in this episode is that nearly every problem that came up was resolved on the first try. In an episode of TOS, TNG or DS9 the first attempt to resolve almost any problem either failed completely, worked partially or made things worse. These escalating problems would serve to test the crew's commitment to things like GO1. For example what if Owoeskun had been injured and separated from the rest of the away team and found herself in the home of one of the villagers where she met a girl that reminded her of herself? Would she have felt differently? What would Pike think if both members of the away team thought they should tell the colonist the truth?

What if the Terralysians had known about the radiation burst and were so committed to their lifestyle that they were willing to be wiped out rather than accept technology? What if they had been able to reach Starfleet and Starfleet initially told them to preserve the colony as is, but then it turned out they still had family members looking for them and it's one of histories biggest mysteries??? What if Starfleet told him they didn't care about the peace of mind of a few colonist (archer was a dumb ass) and get the info? What if the colonist were racist and the Black people were living as second class citizens on Terralysium? What if half the colonist viewed themselves as stranded on a random planet were aware of the distress call and had been secretly awaiting rescue for the past 200 years? What if this had been a broken down falling apart pre-warp space vessel instead of a planet?

Any of that or none of that could have happened but my point is by escalating the conflict you test the characters commitment to their values and their honor and in the process you drive home the idea to your audience. By resolving things so quickly the viewers never really get the opportunity to think about or consider the story and the characters get very little growth.

Disco can't be old school trek because viewing habits and tv have changed. An old school Trek episode was 52 minutes of a 20-26 episode season. Disco is 42 minutes, I believe, in a 13-15 episode season. Anything beyond that is considered filler. I'm sure the shorter format affected the resolution of plot. After all how many times could they escalate the story and still have room for all the overarching plot elements this episode needed to cover?

Now I enjoyed a lot of the first season and the first season actually fit modern viewing restriction telling a tighter more focused story that would fit into a shorter period of time and demanded overarching plot (even if I didn't care for the resolution). However I'm willing to go with Star Trek Disco wherever it goes but it has to do it well and it has to be worth my time and my money since I'm being asked to pay up front. New Eden was so disappointingly bad it made me kinda mad that we've traded the fascinating, tense, in depth story lines we were getting in season 1 for low calorie low fat Trek-lite. I really hope this isn't taste of what's to come. And I that the current batch of writers can figure out how to meet the demands of an audience that sees Trek as museum relic that shouldn't be changed and a modern television climate that demands it change or die.
strangesistas_writings: (Default)
About a year ago I got into a bit of a rut where I wasn't getting cleaning and stuff done around the house they way I wanted so I started making a to do list for chores. This really helped. Since I moved in with my sister and her family I've been similarly unfocused so I'm bringing my to-do list back.
  • go to the grocery store
  • clean out the refrigerator
  • marinade chicken
  • hang cork board
  • write for two hours
  • vacuum bedroom.
  • order pet supplies
This is the second day of my weekend lets see how far I get.

strangesistas_writings: (Default)
 So my deep love and mild obsession with Haunting of Hill House means I spend time hanging out on message boards and such and one of the things that struck me about reactions to the show were people who felt that Olivia was always a bad mother, etc....It's something I really struggled with until someone mentioned that Olivia was never shown to play with the Crain kids as if it was a mark against her. This struck me as odd because until Olivia lost it her approach to parenting reminded me of my own moher, whom I adore and think is one of the best mothers to ever mother and is the reason that as a writer I will probably never delve into the bad moms trope. 

I personally felt like Olivia had a great approach to mothering.  She fostered independence, individual thinking and self reflection in her kids and provided IMHO a loving background that made the kids seem confident and well adjusted until they encoutner Hill House. Steve the oldest is a good example of the types of parents Olivia and Hugh are. When the Crains move into Hill House Steve is confident and well read, patient and considerate with the younger kids and happy to look out for them and spend time with them.

She was also attentative to her children and their different personalities recognizing that Theo was attracted to women rather than men and that Shirley always needed her own space, etc....

It dawned on me though that similar comments were made about the relatively absent parents in Stranger Things. Now the Stranger Things Parents are almost like the parents in Charlie Brown a pair legs with nonesense voices unless or until the story calls for it.When that came up many people brought up the fact that that's how parenting was in the 80's and even the early 90's kids were kinda free to roam with their friend with little parental interference. And that of course was my experience as well. Weekends, summer, evenings, I was outside playing until my parents called me in.

Things are very different now in terms of parental involvement, kids not going outside to play, children having a lot of their time structured, etc...I wonder if this simple generational difference is a big contributor to the idea of Olivia always being evil. 80's and early 90's kids seeing her as a warm loving mother able to set clear boundaries and nurture her children's individual identities as spirits. Kids born in the late 90's and the  early part of the millenium percieve her as distant, uninvolved and self-absorbed therefore always bad and her desire to protect the children as false or dishonest.
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Quiet Times

Jan. 8th, 2019 12:21 pm
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 So I work as a security officer at a major university. It's not my goal in life but I needed to do something that would pay the bills while I figure stuff out. It's mostly boring but I've been working a lot as they've been transitioning me to a couple new posts my schedule for the old post kept changing to meet the needs of the new posts soI kept loosing off days.  Anyway I'm solidly on the new post now so *fingers-crossed* there shouldn't be anymore sudden schedule changes that in combination with the holidays being over should mean more time for fandom stuff, woo hoo! and this blog. 

I found a a snippet from a Matt/Elektra fic that I never posted. It was a secret santa gift and the intial story I came up with was intense and a bit grim. I liked it, but it occured to me that it might be a bit much for a secret santa gift so I only gifted the nice part, but I'm thinking of finishing the whole thing now and publishing it...I want to write my grim ass Matt/Elektra fic.

Death

Dec. 28th, 2018 09:30 am
strangesistas_writings: (Default)
 My dad is fullashit.
strangesistas_writings: (Default)
So I had to work tonight. I work security and no one is doing anything on Christmas Eve so it was mostly me just keeping myself occupied for 8 hours. I ended up researching smallpox for a story I want to write. That disease is horrific if people had to see that stuff now there would not be one anti-vaxxer in US.

I had chicken pox when I was a kid it was not nearly as horrific as this shit, body horror under the cut

Read more... )

Oh No!

Dec. 24th, 2018 12:14 pm
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 I ran into one of my X's. He  was being all cute and charming. He wants me to call him and I think I'll end up doing it, damn it! And the day was going so well.
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 So this last week I completely forgot that Dreamwidth wasn't Tumblr and when I didn't see posts or updates on my main page I assumed that everyone just wasn't posting. Then I remembered I had a reading page to check that is actually quite full. Dingbat me will be doing some reading over the next week, haha.
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 So there's a lot happening for me personally right. There's been a death in the family and a funeral tomorrow, a cousin had to have a leg amputated, and bff was admited to the hospital (bff is fine btw). I want to write because there are deadlines coming up for my fic but I'm feeling apathetic. I haven't been promoting my comm the way I should so this event is going to suck, probably.  le sigh

I guess I'm a little depressed which makes total sense.
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 So I went to look up that passage in La Vita Nouva right at the beginning where Dante has fallen asleep after realizing he is in love with Beatrice and he has that dream where he sees a vision in the fire of Satan feeding Beatrice his heart. It's a great moment I think I really am going to try and keep the scene where Gabe references it in Adoration. 

La Vita Nouva is among other things this whole book of poems basically on the sublime nature of romantic love including its agony and since Gabe is in agony at that moment I think it's ideal to reference one of the greatest poets of all times. Like we reference popular love songs for the same reason right???
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 So there are people who think Olivia Crain is evil. *squints* I just can't with people. Like they put a lot of time into showing the audience that the house was working on Olivia mentally, manipulating her and that ultimaely they turned her love for her children against her family. But I guess some people find it extremely difficult to be sympathetic to a woman even when everything is like right there in front of them. 
 I already wrote a post about Steve, I'll have to do one for Olivia too.


strangesistas_writings: (writing)
 So since I couldn't look at Tumblr today I found myself looking for horror on reddit, my second fave internet time waster at work. After a little reading I stumbled into The Haunting of Hill House subreddits. Now I love The Haunting of Hill House, sadly the content on Tumblr was pretty limited finding a full reddit where people were discussing it in depth was awesome and it got me wanting to write some posts about my own thoughts and theories on the show. 

One of them of course is that Nellie Crain just didn't deserve that. Now I saw some theories that Nellie deliberately sacrified herself to the house to save her siblings or that her spirit was traveling in time to terrorize herself. Neither of these theories woks for me and of course here and there you have the people that just think the Crains were crazy,

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To me it seems obvious that clairvoyant Nell could get glimpses of the future as some of us do especially when we're children and what she was seeing was the most likely future that came into being the moment her family moved into Hill House. If her family had flipped another house she never would have seen that because that would not have been her future.

Also  I don't think Nell sacrified herself because it's clear she was absolutely terrified when she snapped out of the vision to find herself standing on that ledge with a rope around her neck only by then it was too late. I think she went to Hill House just to convince herself that she was wrong and the horrible things she was seeing were a productive of a fevered imagnination. There's medication for a fevered imagination, escaping the active pursuit of a malicious entity determined to devour you is a lot harder. 

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Finally Olivia. Unfortunately Olivia Crane seems to exist in a dream from which she cannot escape. She is a ghost trapped in a screaming meemie or is she? When Hugh confronts her spirit at the house they disagree about the children until she finally, desperately admits she is just lonely. People will do a lot of desperate things out of loneliness and I wonder if it was loneliness in combination with delusion that made her think it was acceptable to murder at least two of her children.

I feel like Olivia and maybe even the Dudleys have a sort of stockholm syndrome had set in, they've been with the house so long they've become accustomed to it's abuses, innured to the horror. Whereas Nell and Hugh newly dead were able to focus on helping their loved ones escape.



strangesistas_writings: (Default)
 So I'm starting to make some friends here on Dreamwidth. Posting to the addme comm was an excellent idea several people have reached out to me. Apparently MCU fandom is big here on Dreamwidth. If you're wary of posting to the addme comm as a way of meeting people you can always subscribe to the comm and peruse the post that people make and make friends that way:

https://addme-fandom.dreamwidth.org/

I've also been shaking off some of my bad Tumblr habits. With no like button I either have to comment or stay silent I'm trying to get back into the habit of commenting. 

Also spent some of my non-tumblr internet time on reddit today, that was fun. It had been a while since i looked for shorts no/sleep. I also took sometime to read The Haunting of Hill House subreddit lots of good theories there and a fun way to pass the time when it was slow at work. I might write some Hill House post over the next few days.

Most of my day off from Tumblr was spent at work since I work 4/10s. 

There are more news articles about the protest than I expected so those were interesting and they've also recommended some alternative sites. I'll be checking those out soon. Now I'm gonna go help my sister and nephew decorate the Christmas tree.

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 I never realized it but Tumblr had the strange of affect of causing me to self-censor. I find myself wanting to post a lot more writing related stuff here than I ever did on Tumblr, like fic snippets and deleted scenes, etc....I guess that's due to the performative nature of soc_media. It's really strange because I don't care all that much about follower counts. Like I notice when people unfollow and I'm always a bit curious, but I'm never actually bothered. Knowing however that the goal of Tumblr was to maintain an audience of sorts however prompted me to consider what that audience wanted to see and would see vs what I wanted to share. And it's weird because in all the time I posted there I was never fully aware of it as self-censorship or performing.

Is anyone else having this kind of feeling or thought?

Friends

Dec. 15th, 2018 08:07 am
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 So I'm looking to add friends here. I've added my interests to my profile feel free to track or follow or whatever.
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 So I don't know if this is going to make it into Adoration, but I got this idea of Gabriel in his studio. Michael and Gabriel's relationship has a point where it gets strained and Gabe's insecurities finally start to get the best of him. Thinking about this period in their relationship inspired this scene. It's still a bit rough and I might not use it, but I wanted to share it here.

Gabriel Lorca was a consumate strategist. Nearly three decades in the military had taught him the discipline to take his time, gather information, plan carefully, and pursue an objective to according to that plan. A decade with his own ship had given him the confidence to stick with a plan in spite of goblin like fear, doubt or anxiety.

He felt them of course, he was human and an especially emotional, but you could learn to forge forward in spite of fear or maybe even because of it. But as he had told Michael he wasn't perfect and he was a man of intense feeling. A man who needed discipline and carefully cultivated emotional outlets. Otherwise, well, 7th grade wasn't the last time his emotions got the best of him…

But even after thirty years his emotions could punch through his discipline and march right over his confidence. Fear and insecurity had been the drivers that prompted him to call Michael his girlfriend. He wasn't unhappy with it but the idea had come more from the desire to soothe those fears than the simply desire to have her be his girlfriend.

And he certainly hadn't planned on blurting out that he loved her on a Tuesday afternoon following a bout of desperate, needy lovemaking.

He didn't regret it but the strategist in him would have planned a candlelight dinner and flowers at least. Michael was so innocent and naieve about love and relationships that she soaked up these things, lit up like the sun. It was easy to spoil and indulge her.

But there was no taking it back now. He'd have to live with the fallout. Michael not saying it back.

"Stupid, old fool," he muttered catching sight of his reflection in a stainless steel chemical tray. He shook his head and sipped his whiskey, "falling in love with a naieve woman young enough to be your daughter."

She probably didn't even realize it, but Michael had that delicate little hand of hers wrapped around his heart.

He thought suddenly of Dante's dream. Satan feeding an innocent Beatrice the poet's heart.

Gabriel shook his head and tried not to think about. He had work, he had projects to line up. And Michael- Michael had responded exactly as she had every other time he'd pushed their relationship into unfamiliar territory, she froze. She didn't retreat, she braved the discomfort and took time figuring herself out. The strategist in him knew he needed to be confident and let her figure herself out. Confidence and patience were the only reasons their relationship had progressed this.

His patience had paid off so far her sweet body clinging to them as they made love, her compassionate attention and care.

-Michael, her skin glowing in the soft lights, her laughter gentle and musical, as she coyly dismissed a handsome man her own age, well dressed, fit-

-"now that you've dealt with your problem you could get a guy your own age"-

His jaw clenched. She could, she could have her pick of men if she wanted. Before they'd met she lacked the sexual confidence. He took another sip of his drink. Now-

He cut the thought off, told himself Michael wasn't like that. That one canceled date didn't mean anything. He had work, projects to line up.

He managed to work or tried to for about twenty minutes, but that image -Satan feeding Beatrice Dante's heart- that image would not let him go.

Finally he gave in and started looking for reference pictures of the human heart, reviewing his photos of Michael to study her delicate hands. Her fingers were slender and tapered, nails oval and neatly filed. There was a scar that snaked along the outside of her pinky wrapping itself around the digit like a vine. The image took shape easily in his mind Michael, his angel, with her hand wrapped around his heart perhaps receiving it from the devil himself.

He was supposed to do something for his oils class.

He spent the rest of the evening. Sketching it out from different angles. The human heart with it's veins and ventricles. Michael's hands uplifted to receive it.  He wasn't sure if he would actually paint it, it felt self-indulgent, pitying….

Still it gave him something to do, a productive evening that took his mind off the reason for the painting itself, Buran keeping him company.

When Michael did finally call he let it going to voicemail.






strangesistas_writings: (Default)
 So it's been a long time since I've used a platform like this. I actually had no real desire to leave Livejournal back in the day but eventually they made changes that made posting fic there too difficult.  So I guess we'll see how this goes. Most of my fic is on Ao3 or Fanfiction.net. I'll add links to my tumblr, pillowfort and fic at some point. 

I have to admit I did like posting fic directly onto my blog and being able to easily find it again and have others be able to readily find it as well.

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Nov. 27th, 2018 11:12 pm
strangesistas_writings: (Default)
test post, I don't know how dreamwidth works, but I'm ready to be done with Tumblr and looking for a new fandom home.

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